speeding

Dear Fishbowl,

Apparently it's war now. Well trust me, I intend to bring it.

Love and Kisses,

Your Evil Overlord

P.S. Cross is a fatty.

P.P.S. Hi guys. What's up?

P.P.P.S. So apparently I accidentally all our stuff, house, savings, you know. Anyone interested in the Evil Overlord Charity Fund? It involves you, me and a cup of coffee, to start with.

I've been here over two years now. It's a weird thing to notice.

Maybe I'm just getting used to this place. Scary thought. Maybe I'm just going crazy. I'm mad, you're mad, we're all mad style of thing. You don't have to be crazy to work here, but it helps.

Anyway, it's not here yet but winter's coming up. I don't know if anyone remembers Kitty, but she used to make cake for newborns. Which was pretty cool. And speaking of cool, the Hall of Beginning gets kinda arctic in the winter months. Which means we need warm clothes for newborns. And I was thinking if we could get volunteers to make hot drinks or something every day for the hall, and a heater to keep them warm, that'd be kinda nice for the poor new suckers who get stuck in this place.

That, and the greeters sure aren't gonna complain, believe me.

So, if anyone could donate a portable stove or something, and maybe a rotating volunteer cycle? Any warm drinks are going to go miles when the cold hits--coffee, tea, cider, hot cocoa, whatever.

Dear Tree,

I know I haven't written in a while. I appreciate your continued efforts to get my attention. I know my attention is pretty rad. I know. But these juvenile pranks, they get old.

If you want us to be something again, dinner and flowers are a better start. Maybe a movie. But a good one. A date at the beach, that wouldn't really be amiss either. I have standards. The thing is, I just don't think we can recapture what we used to have.

I think the spark is dead. You need to move on. Find someone new. Get on with your life.

Love and kisses,

Your Evil Overlord

P.S. One Evil Overlord seeking roommate: must like junk food, late night movies, and Guitar Hero. Inquire within. Don't ask about the rockets.

[Suddenly, the page containing this entry appears completely blacked out, as if dipped in a vat of ink!]

Dear Fishbowl,

As you forgot my birthday last year, I have decided to provide you with a handy list of ways you can make it up to me;

All I Want For ~~Christmas~~ Dashmas is:
~~-Stop fucking with us~~
-A new XBox
-A flame retardant couch
-Barring that, a respawning couch
-Socks
-A pony

As always, I'm glad we had this little chat.

Love,

Your Evil Overlord

Dear Fishbowl,

Stay the fuck out of our heads. You've been a a very bad, bad tree.

Heads up anyone who got either of my dreams, lucky you. Try not to go sharing. I know they say it's caring and all, but in this case I promise you it isn't. Fred you're excused, you couldn't know.

Over and out,

-Evil Overlord

P.S. Newbies, there's a lot you have to learn about this place, but here's a protip: asking about some things on the journals isn't as safe as you think it is. Trust me on this. And you're welcome. Not that anyone listens to me.

P.P.S. Rabbit, Code, Alchemy, Big G? Need to talk to the four of you in person. Wolverine, same thing, different reason.

((OOC: Dash's dreams in order were Nobody (2), Pinky, Wolverine (2), and Cross (3).))

[The post is in Cross and Dash's handwriting, with a lot of squiggled lines, ink dots and scribbles. The handwriting is messy on both their parts.]

Hey guys [Squiggly line]

[Little circle.] We lost our other pen. Please bear with us for a moment.

Dude, seriously trying to make a point I know but as I was saying has anyone seen Bastet? She wasn't

~~Hey I was writing that!~~ She didn't show for shift today, so if anyone has seen her could you

~~And you'll ramble around before getting to the point!~~ tell us. We really ~~Ramble? I'll ramble your head!~~ We're seriously worried because she never ditches. So if

~~If we 'rumble', you'll lose.~~ you see her, please check on ~~Like you stand a chance.~~ her. And maybe like drop us a note or something? And some pens, ~~because this guy~~

~~Who pinned who in the remote war? That's right, not you.~~ We'd appreciate it! ~~Oh like you're any~~

[Squiggly liiiines!] Sincerely and all that, E.O. and Cross (seriously though, we're worried) ~~gotta be fa~~

Thanks again! ~~Get ready to los~~

((OOC: Change in hand-writing is being represented by colors for ease of reading Dash and Cross. Edit: As of this parts of the main post are very lightly struck through.))

So. Um. Apparently I have ~~an evil twin~~ some kind of mental disorder?

Or really selective amnesia?

Also to the lady who threw stuff at me in the market I'm very sorry for whatever I did! I'm sure I didn't mean it/it was just a harmless prank/it was all a misunderstanding/invaders from mars did it.

Underline all that apply.

But I seriously can't remember.

What did I do?

Anyone else? If I did something crazy was it funny/did anyone take pictures/chalk it up to evil overlordliness?

Man I had the weirdest dream last night. I was being chased by a giant pizza, and Arrow was riding it going "Ándale! Ándale!" while there were like thirty dancing Mugen's eating cheesepuffs. And then it got weird.

My subconscious aside, yo and welcome n00bs. Name's Dash, I'll be serving as your Evil Overlord during your stay in our lovely arboreal prison. Feel free to direct all complaints to other people, and all tribute to me.

Carry on, peons.

Dear Tree,

Normally I would be bitching at you for your antics, precocious and unwanted as they have been. But you stuck me in an elevator with two babes and a talking cat, I can't actually complain about the babes part.

You get a pass.

This time.

-Love,

Your Evil Overlord

P.S. Hey Cross, you rented my room out yet? Sold my stuff? 'Cause if so I'm bumming the couch.

Show of hands! Who here's been to hell?

Pretty sure I have. And I didn't even get the damn T-shirt.

Ladies you may call me devilishly handsome any ol' time.

Also, my birthday is tomorrow, but I seem to be afflicted with a bit of fire and brimstone so leave all offerings of cake, pizza, games and cash at the door.

This concludes your Evil Overlord's PSA. Carry on you crazy lab rats.

Dear Tree,

Getting kinda sick of being thrown into jail. Knock it off.

Also, the breakfast cereal? That's sacred. Don't fuck with it again.

-Evil Overlord

P.S. Anyone know what a Magneto is? I think my cereal's trying to say he's my daddy.

Dear Fishbowl,

No. I am not on a boat. Nor does the dude look like a lady. And, in fact, I'm already king, so there's no need to work on my roar, right?

I understand you must be bored and lonely, without me to write to you every day, but making wax statues of me is creepy and stalkerish. Just so you know.

I'm glad we had this little chat.

Love and all that,

Your Evil Overlord

P.S. Seriously. Creepy.

P.P.S. Cross, we're out of socks. Again.

Dear Invaders,

This is my tree, and those are my ~~minions~~ ~~henchmen~~ civilians you are attempting to eat. Also, that's my stuff. In short, you are not welcome.

GTFO, DIAF, and all that.

So it is written, so let it be,

Loves and kisses,

Your Evil Overlord

P.S. My pillow fort is the bomb.

Dear Tree,

I think we're on nickname basis by now, yes? You don't mind if I call you Tree, right? I mean, with the way you treat us like your bitches, I think the whole formality thing is pretty moot.

So, right, on topic. Thanks for the shiny, but really, what's with your recent obsession with clothing? Gothic Lolita? Togas? Sailor uniforms?

Can I at least have my goddamn underwear back?

No fucking love,

Evil Overlord

P.S. Sky, Cross, I got one of the mystical sparklestones. One of you two wanna hold my hand while I follow the white rabbit? ~~Want said it's a good idea to only use these when you have someone there.~~

Dear Fishbowl,

Sending the elevator to some weird abandoned city Island and stranding me there was, frankly, not cool.

That's two hours of my life I'll never get back. And that place was creepy.

Regards,

Your Evil Overlord

((OOC: Dash doesn't know about Want, Throne and Ran yet.))

Dear Fishbowl,

If any of the residents of our delightful tree happens to know where one might go about locating a suitable substance for use as a fuel, that would be most delightful.

Especially if it's rocket fuel.

Loves and kisses,

- Your Evil Overlord

P.S. This is totally not to power Dr. Boom's robot minions or anything, I swear.

Dear Sphere -

If you should see a cheetah, please do not freak out. I assure you he is very friendly and will tolerate being petted. Though he could do without cutesy nicknames.

He also has a huge fondness for quiche.

He does not so much like screaming, pointing, things being flung at him, or being kicked at.

This PSA brought to you by ~~G.I. Joe~~

Your Evil Overlord.

B+? I really, really hope that was your evil twin that tried to kill me. Cause otherwise I have no clue what I did to piss you off. ~~I am so lucky I'm fast or I would be dead meat. What the hell is with strong little girls?!~~

Um. In other news. Scythe wielding maniacs are now part of the sphere? This is just getting out of hand, people.

I'd go hide under the coach... But. Um.

Sky?

I blew up the coach. No, I didn't touch your stuff. I don't know how I did it. It was sort of totally awesome though.

[A short time later]

It would be pretty wicked if I had an evil twin actually, come to think of it. I mean, other then Want.

Things you can do in Vegas without getting arrested:

-Get exceedingly smashed despite being a minor
-Cheat like anything
-Enter strip joints without getting carded
-Light shit on fire
-Steal stuff

Things you can't do in Vegas without getting arrested:

-Jaywalk

Pro tip to the wise, the authorities are really sensitive about jaywalking.

So. The More You Know.

This PSA has been brought to you by ~~G.I. Joe~~ your Evil Overlord.

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Entries tagged with evil overlord

Act 1, Scene 45 - The Boys are Back in Town

Eleventh Rerun - Flies with honey

Tenth Rerun - Exploding People [Bees Remix]

Sixth Rerun - Sometimes you gotta lose to win

Fifth Rerun - Been a long time gone old Constantinople

Second Rerun - Hard day's night

First Rerun - Pen Wars

Thirty-third Run - Badtouched in the head

Twenty-nineth run - Not all dreams are sinister

Twenty-eighth Run - Shanghai Shinigami

Twenty-seventh run - FML

Twenty-fifth run - Are you my daddy?

Twenty-third Run - Really... Seriously?

Twenty-second Run - Couch Fort King

Twentieth Run - Shiny sparkles

Eighteenth Run - Holy Crap Batman

Seventeenth Run - Light it up, yeah

Sixteenth Run - DUUMMAAA

Fifteenth Run - Maniacs and explosions

Thirteenth Run - Let me show you my prison tats...