speeding | Entries tagged with c: cross

[Suddenly, the page containing this entry appears completely blacked out, as if dipped in a vat of ink!]

Dear Fishbowl,

As you forgot my birthday last year, I have decided to provide you with a handy list of ways you can make it up to me;

All I Want For ~~Christmas~~ Dashmas is:
~~-Stop fucking with us~~
-A new XBox
-A flame retardant couch
-Barring that, a respawning couch
-Socks
-A pony

As always, I'm glad we had this little chat.

Love,

Your Evil Overlord

Hey, anyone seen Code?

And how long have I been gone? Not to be cliche or anything, but what day is it? Month? Year?

Adventurer report: ~~being official and crap.~~

Wilderness has changed once again. It looks like pretty much food for miles.

You know, boss, I suck at this forms in triplicate crap. I'm just gonna call it--food people. Lots and lots of food.

Dibs on the pizza!

Cross, you totally have to get down to the Wilderness like, five minutes ago.

IMPORTANT UPDATE. THEY HAVE TACOS.

[The post is in Cross and Dash's handwriting, with a lot of squiggled lines, ink dots and scribbles. The handwriting is messy on both their parts.]

Hey guys [Squiggly line]

[Little circle.] We lost our other pen. Please bear with us for a moment.

Dude, seriously trying to make a point I know but as I was saying has anyone seen Bastet? She wasn't

~~Hey I was writing that!~~ She didn't show for shift today, so if anyone has seen her could you

~~And you'll ramble around before getting to the point!~~ tell us. We really ~~Ramble? I'll ramble your head!~~ We're seriously worried because she never ditches. So if

~~If we 'rumble', you'll lose.~~ you see her, please check on ~~Like you stand a chance.~~ her. And maybe like drop us a note or something? And some pens, ~~because this guy~~

~~Who pinned who in the remote war? That's right, not you.~~ We'd appreciate it! ~~Oh like you're any~~

[Squiggly liiiines!] Sincerely and all that, E.O. and Cross (seriously though, we're worried) ~~gotta be fa~~

Thanks again! ~~Get ready to los~~

((OOC: Change in hand-writing is being represented by colors for ease of reading Dash and Cross. Edit: As of this parts of the main post are very lightly struck through.))

[Scrawled very sloppily and in great haste.]

Cross section 3 now [The 'now' is underlined violently and circled twice.]

[Added in a bit later. Still sloppy but not as much.]

There's a big snake in section 3 that just ate two people, I'm tracking it, I'd like back up. People if you're up in section 3 stay indoors unless you can fight monster snakes, I don't think it's hungry any more but let's not fucking find out, shall we?

Dear Tree,

Normally I would be bitching at you for your antics, precocious and unwanted as they have been. But you stuck me in an elevator with two babes and a talking cat, I can't actually complain about the babes part.

You get a pass.

This time.

-Love,

Your Evil Overlord

P.S. Hey Cross, you rented my room out yet? Sold my stuff? 'Cause if so I'm bumming the couch.

Dear Tree,

Getting kinda sick of being thrown into jail. Knock it off.

Also, the breakfast cereal? That's sacred. Don't fuck with it again.

-Evil Overlord

P.S. Anyone know what a Magneto is? I think my cereal's trying to say he's my daddy.

~~Dear Sphere,~~

Y'know, fuck it. No letter from me. You've been a very bad tree.

Who wants to go live it up in Hollywood? It's nearly as awesome as Vegas.

Plus a chance to renew my game supply. Someone rigged my 360. I swear it's the only reason he beats me at Mario Kart. I need a clean system.

Cheater.

Dear Fishbowl,

No. I am not on a boat. Nor does the dude look like a lady. And, in fact, I'm already king, so there's no need to work on my roar, right?

I understand you must be bored and lonely, without me to write to you every day, but making wax statues of me is creepy and stalkerish. Just so you know.

I'm glad we had this little chat.

Love and all that,

Your Evil Overlord

P.S. Seriously. Creepy.

P.P.S. Cross, we're out of socks. Again.

Dear Fishbowl,

Sending the elevator to some weird abandoned city Island and stranding me there was, frankly, not cool.

That's two hours of my life I'll never get back. And that place was creepy.

Regards,

Your Evil Overlord

((OOC: Dash doesn't know about Want, Throne and Ran yet.))

Shopping list of things to take back home:

-Toaster
-Microwave (many)
-Blender
-Coffee maker
-Coffee (lots)
-Soda (many lots)
-Assorted appliances and cookware
-Hi-res flat screen (get help carrying)
-DVD player
-All the DVDs ever
-Check for game consoles, XBOX at least
-Gaaames

Note to self, try to get multiples of the appliances and stuff. In case of Dr. Boom.

PSA: Zombies are still in the tree.

Things you can do in Vegas without getting arrested:

-Get exceedingly smashed despite being a minor
-Cheat like anything
-Enter strip joints without getting carded
-Light shit on fire
-Steal stuff

Things you can't do in Vegas without getting arrested:

-Jaywalk

Pro tip to the wise, the authorities are really sensitive about jaywalking.

So. The More You Know.

This PSA has been brought to you by ~~G.I. Joe~~ your Evil Overlord.

[Still written in a sloppy lefty scrawl]

Dear 'Sphere,

Yes, it's me again, your Evil Overlord. I have a lot of things I want to bring up in issue with you, but for the sake of our relationship I'll just bring up this one point.

When Want make a cardboard unicorn? That was not an invitation to give me one. It's creepy. Make it go away.

Best regards and loves and kisses,

E. O.

~~T, Want why are you not here to laugh at me? You stupid jerks.~~

Um.

Yeah.

To the girl I met this morning? I'm really sorry.

Yeah, that's all really. Carry on.

No one even start okay?

Okay people, am I the only one here who is not full of existential angst and issues? What is with these dreams?

And if anyone starts writing emo poetry in these journals I am so finding them and cutting them, you got me? Yeah, as a favor so you don't have to cut yourself. I'll even post the pictures on myspace for you, I'm that nice.

Seriously though, what was up with immolation-man?

Anyone seen Ran yet?

[Added about half an hour later when Dash is feeling like less of an asshole]

Yeah, okay. Sorry. So I got bit by the "be an ass" bug.

Anyone need help? Kind of restless. Need to do something. Send me on a useless quest or something.

((OOC: Want's dream. <33))

T.

Your subconscious is really fucked up.

Quite possibly not as fucked up as the last dream... I want to be a cheesecake is hard to top. Okay, maybe more fucked up, but in a different way.

Now that I'm awake... Anyone seen or heard from Ran? Hell, Dino even?

Anyone?

((OOC: Dash had Throne's dream this time.))