speeding

Adventurer report: being official and crap.

Wilderness has changed once again. It looks like pretty much food for miles.

You know, boss, I suck at this forms in triplicate crap. I'm just gonna call it--food people. Lots and lots of food.

Dibs on the pizza!

Cross, you totally have to get down to the Wilderness like, five minutes ago.

IMPORTANT UPDATE. THEY HAVE TACOS.

So. Um. Apparently I have an evil twin some kind of mental disorder?

Or really selective amnesia?

Also to the lady who threw stuff at me in the market I'm very sorry for whatever I did! I'm sure I didn't mean it/it was just a harmless prank/it was all a misunderstanding/invaders from mars did it.

Underline all that apply.

But I seriously can't remember.

What did I do?

Anyone else? If I did something crazy was it funny/did anyone take pictures/chalk it up to evil overlordliness?

Dear Fishbowl,

No. I am not on a boat. Nor does the dude look like a lady. And, in fact, I'm already king, so there's no need to work on my roar, right?

I understand you must be bored and lonely, without me to write to you every day, but making wax statues of me is creepy and stalkerish. Just so you know.

I'm glad we had this little chat.

Love and all that,

Your Evil Overlord

P.S. Seriously. Creepy.

P.P.S. Cross, we're out of socks. Again.

[The writing is pretty sloppy and messy, hastily scribbled]

Ow. Fuck. Ow.

Dear 'Sphere,

Medics? Gonna come down and uh... Yeah. Have some broken fingers.

Note to the interested: don't poke Praise.

Yeah, yeah, shut up, I'll be laughing too when I get painkillers.

Love and kisses,

Your Evil Overlord.