Twenty-Sixth Run - And I thought I spoke moonspeak

Seriously did I enter the twilight zone? Because I only understand about one word in ten you freaks are using.

Don't make me crack open a can of moonspeak on yo butts.

Pity da foo'.

[Added a little later]

Seriously, can anyone write normally? Like, anyone? Code, please tell me you can translate some of this gobbledy gook.

And don't tell me here if you're going to take ten pages to answer "yes" or "no".