speeding | Sixth Rerun - Sometimes you gotta lose to win

There's something I want you to see in there. It's important.

I was, and I'm too angry to be an example right now.

What?

[Narrowing his eyes.]

I'm not dead you white-haired, donut-eating, girly-looking, fairy freak fatty.

[He narrows his eyes behind the mask of Crowned clown.]

And you're as much of an idiot, just as girly looking, arrogant, loud mouthed git whose who knows how old going on one.

Edited 2010-04-22 09:08 (UTC)

At least I can admit I'm fucked up. They're gone, Allen! All of them, fuck me I can't even remember everyone's names anymore. They never stay.

Throne, Ran, Want, Shiro, Sky, Seele, Mirror, Crow, Midget, Truth, Wolverine and they're just. Gone. And now Dumpling, Flight, the twins? We were almost ninja bait! They got your leg.

I can't fucking... [He stops, putting his palms over his eyes because he refuses to cry. It's weak weak weak to cry. Men don't cry.] I can't take it.

I never said I didn't make mistakes.

[Subconsciously, he touches his scar and then the scar around his left eye.]

I don't remember them all but I've done things...I should have been damned for.

[His shoulders shake faintly as exhaustion of the soul seeps in and manages to wrap his remaining arm around Dash. He doesn't say a word, but he can't hide the tears sliding down his face already.]

I don't want to lose you too. We'll fight but, let's pick a way where we're not sitting in the butcher shop ready to be killed. please. We've lost too many...I couldn't...as selfish as it is...I couldn't do this alone!

[For once Dash just passively accepts the hug, no quips about it being gay, no shoving Cross off. He just leans his head against his friend's shoulder and grits his teeth. He can feel Cross crying, but he doesn't comment.]

God we're so fucked up. [His voice is half choked with the effort not to shed tears.]

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! I hate this. What the hell use are we? We can't even save people. We can't do a goddamn thing. Every time. Every fucking time it's the same. You know I envy people-- [He shuts up abruptly.]

Even if we can't save them right now, and it keeps repeating like this...I'm still going to try. When one way doesn't work I'll try another! Even if I'm here for ages I'll find a way!

[He buries his face into Dash at the cut off part and hits him in the chest with his fist.]

I don't. Because even if it hurts, even if I'm bleeding and my life is in danger...this is the only path I can take that makes me feel alive!

[Dash doesn't say anything for a minute, composing himself enough to speak. But at least he doesn't cry, hasn't cried. There's a bonus. Even if he's got Allen clinging to him and a sword through his chest, and now Allen hitting him, he's not crying. That's good, right?]

[He stares at the ceiling.]

Then I think we should try being open. Fuck the cautious bullshit. Maybe blazing myself on the journals was stupid, okay, I can agree there. But we're too careful. Everyone is. It's just not working, Allen. We've gotta start taking more risks.

[He pauses again, raising one hand to awkwardly pat his friend's shoulder, the other to dig the heel of his palm over his eyes.]

Hey. So, my name's Thomas. Tommy.

I was thinking we needed to take risks, just...you'd make a good Exorcist with how well you painted a target on yourself.

[He blinks at the name and calls his blade back into his clawed arm, resting claws on Tommy's shoulder.]

It's fitting, Tommy.

You think? The only person who took the bait was you, maybe Big G. Unless you two are actually evil masterminds behind my back... It didn't work.

[He just watches his friend, not sure how to take being called by his own name for the first time in almost two years. At least, the first time outside his memories. He feels weird about it, almost like Allen's talking to a stranger.]

Was it this weird for you? Getting your name back?

For all we know, there are a lot more watching that said nothing.

[He tilts his head slightly to the side.]

Everyone knew the name before I did. I felt like a stranger that had taken the place of their friend.

[Another pause as he mulled over his thoughts.]

It hurt and sometimes it felt like standing in the shadow of a person I didn't know. ...a person I was expected to be and it made me feel resentful. In the end, I am me and I can except that.

Anyone important enough would have killed me by now if they were going to, you know that.

[Dash nods at the description, he understands a bit, even if he's never been here before he's been on the end of seeing friends reappear.]

Hey. Get up off me. No wonder people think we're gay.

[He shoves a hand lightly at Cross's shoulder, urging him up.]

They could be watching you right now.

[He pauses as his thoughts gather together and he ignores the hand pushing at his shoulder.]

We need to find the back way into the fourth floor, or go past it. After we visit that place.

Sixth Rerun - Sometimes you gotta lose to win

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